soundscapes & cityscapes

yeah, yeahhh

2010-01-23T21:55:00.002-05:00

more poetry and such. feel free to comment or leave suggestions if you so choose.
love love,
Susannah <3

1. Landscape poem for 208. Interesting, certainly.

"A View from Suite Q"

Leaning lazily from the comfort of your doorjamb,

I see through foggy eyes the ground stretched out before me

like so many thick grass and gravel quilts

stitched together with the thread of the concrete curb.

Me and my smoke watch from your doorstep.

The air is thin and cool and still

in that way stillness only exists at 3:36am.

The night is silent but for the sound of a generator humming

like a far off shrimp boat’s engine heard underwater.

The glowing street lamps stand sentry

from the undisturbed sidewalk,

and the pinprick light from my cigarette

tries to keep up. Then there, in the distance, a fox

with fur that is gray like the morning

slinks onto the lawn, his paws wet with dew.

2. Scrawled notes I found after the HB weekend. Dying to turn them into /something/...!

There are a thousand ways or more
to get lost and only one
right way to go sometimes
every path that loses you -

you guys win
I want to Listen to Lazer bitch
byt the lunch wine
was a bad idea
but all bad ideas
were good ones once
right? and I am
and I am and I am create
iambs. I won't let you
out, or room to breathe.

but that road goes nowhere
interesting, so I know you aren't
either.

a new semester.

2010-01-10T23:29:00.002-05:00

and so it begins.

poetry

let me curl between the softness of your lines,

and let me stay awhile. i'll nestle into your words and

feel safe there, in my paper and ink cage.

"on winning my heart"

2009-12-19T18:49:00.005-05:00

always light my cigarette first

open the door, and go in after me

squeeze my hand and catch my eye

keep me on my toes.

have the insight to know when i want to talk

and the patience to endure my silence until i do.

know how i like my coffee and how i take my tea

and that you're always on my mind.

lay your body beside mine and know

that i love the warmth of your skin.

hold my hand, and catch my tears

with a brush of your fingertips or with a kiss.

when my limbs grow heavy and my body weak,

wrap your arms around me and take me home.

dear bloggers who i follow,

2009-12-02T17:20:00.000-05:00

please update more often

cause i need something to do

2009-11-18T00:16:00.000-05:00

Sooo....here's the final product of my workshop piece for Creative Writing. It's kinda cool?

Best,

Susannah

She touched the tips of three fingers to the warm, puffy area of broken skin that stretched taut over the bone of her eye socket and cursed quietly. The slim and tattooed arms reached out to support her thin frame against the sink, and she raised her lids, one heavy and dark with swelling, to meet her own gaze in the mirror. Breath moved through her body of it’s own accord, and she stared, unmoving, at her reflection. She hated the fine strands of hair that hung in a limp frame about her face; she hated the pinkish, mostly-faded acne marks and the way her collar bones jutted out. Sarah felt a knotted discomfort in the center of her stomach which radiated through her body a sensation she couldn’t name. It felt cold, it felt lonely, and it made her limbs ache in a dead way. Her body gave way and she sank onto the cold toilet seat, noticing but not caring that everything about the tiny room was stained and cracked with age and overuse. Bits of hair were caked into the corners of the tile with dried shaving cream and soap, and the spit-back toothpaste of countless renters had worn a bleached path in the apartment’s yellowed sink basin. Sarah sat and stared and hated.

She peered silently into the mirror’s surface and continued to scrutinize herself, her eyes seeming to find plenty of flaws to focus on. She hated the way her freckles blended together in places and resembled blotchy birthmarks, and she hated the tiny gray sun-specks in the whites of her eyes. Somehow thinking only of these, these permanent and virtually unnoticeable imperfections made it easier to avoid the fresh and bloody deformity that now razed her face. The swelling had increased, it seemed, and the space around her right eye was darkening further. It felt strange watching this, the bruising process. Bruises never really appeared on impact, she knew, but rather ripened and swelled visibly like some rotting fruit. The only interregnum in the vast purpling bruise that surrounded her eye was provided by the bloody tears and cuts in her skin. She was too drained from the emotional exhaustion that comes with crying and screaming and fighting to feel anything passionate; she didn’t even hate him, she was too tired to. But beneath the exhaustion and the feeling of withdrawal she felt as her adrenaline receded and even deeper than that cold feeling of loss and loneliness in her stomach, Sarah felt the need to leave. She needed to get out for good, and she needed to do it today. Because no matter how many times he apologized, and no matter how many times she wondered if maybe she actually deserved it, she knew this was never going to get better. Dean was never going to get better. Sure, it was easy to think that all couples fight, and that everyone gets angry: it was with those thoughts that she had appeased herself thus far. Something was different this time, though, whether it was in the way he kept drawing his fist back again and again even as she cowered away or whether it was something inside her that had finally snapped.

The thin walls and worn carpeted floor of the apartment watched and creaked as Sarah ambled through the small rooms. Her thoughts were racing and somersaulting through her head, and nothing seemed to fit. She found momentary refuge on the couch in the would-be living room and drew her knees to her chest. She absentmindedly dug her front teeth into her knee caps, hugging her legs and watching he saliva darken her jeans as she gnawed. The taste was comforting. Weirdo, she mused, tossing her head back and rubbing the wet spot on her knees. This was ridiculous. Brushing her hand anxiously through her hair, Sarah hopped form the couch and decided enough was enough.

As she hastily planned to leave, Sarah’s thoughts drifted through her mind. Images, distorted and disconnected, flashed before her. There they were, she and Dean, sitting in that very room watching a movie on TV that bore no importance. Her toes snuck under his legs for warmth. He knew she loved to rest her cheek on his shoulder when they sat side by side. She knew he sat extra still so as to be a comfortable pillow. She liked that. He often opened the passenger seat door for her, because she liked it. He tried to make her feel special sometimes. She felt alone.

The front door to the apartment swung open with a small noise, and Sarah’s thoughts fled through the opening where orange twilight made a silhouette of Dean’s frame in the doorway. His eyes found hers for a moment, and he said nothing. Like always, he was trying to pretend nothing had happened, but tension crouched beneath their silence and the air was heavy between them.

“I think I’m going to go,” Sarah said softly. Dean raised his head and his gaze shot across the room.

“Where?” he asked, the anger in his eyes evident for a moment, though he strained to keep his voice level. Dean knew what she meant, but he was casual as always. He could have been commenting on the weather. She felt her hands begin to shake, and sweat shined on her palms.

“I just can’t...do this anymore, Dean” she said flatly. She felt desperate. Part of her wanted him to run to her, to hold her, and to stroke her hair with his thick fingers, sliding them across her shoulders and down her back like he used to. Bare skin against bare skin, they resolved problems.

Dean stood by the door and did nothing. Sarah felt rooted to the floor, and the only movement she seemed capable of was curling her toes. She forced them into the thin carpet until the knuckles ached, her unseeing eyes staring forward. Dean had wandered into the kitchen now, and Sarah saw from where she stood that he had taken a beer from the fridge. He knocked off the cap with a key from the bunch he still clutched in his hand.

“C’m here, baby,” Dean whispered as he leaned against the kitchen counter. He took a long sip from the bottle clutched in his strong fingers and waited for her to obey. Sarah walked toward him, straining to keep from falling into his arms. She hoped he would read her thoughts and know how to really fix this, but she knew he couldn’t and wouldn’t. Instead he slipped his warm thumb into the waistband of her jeans, rubbing the soft area of skin underneath her sharp hip bone. Her breath drew sharply into her lungs and he pulled her close, his hands deftly exploring the body he knew so well. Sarah clenched her teeth together hard and tried to withdraw, knowing exactly where this was going. His sly grin flashed and with his big hands he gripped her supple ass, pressing her slim body into him still harder. He knew she loved it, and she did. Her blood pulsed hot through her body, and her breathing grew heavy. She wanted this so bad, a hot and rough remedy, instant gratification, instant satisfaction...over and over again. She bit the inside of her lip and shoved herself into his warm embrace.

“Dean,” she breathed after a moment, her eyes fluttering shut. “Dean, stop,” she said, still barely audible, but pulling away again. “This can’t keep happening like this,” she cried softly. She couldn’t find the words to explain why, even to herself, but she knew she had to end this cycle. The relationship drained and consumed her, sucked her time and her thoughts and her very being. More times than she could count it happened like this; he would hold her body against his and fuck her good and hard until it was over, when their hot bodies would be slick with sweat and satisfaction and for a moment it was perfect. But all too soon he would roll out of bed and slink into his jeans, stumbling on one foot for a moment before slipping on his belt and tank top. The passion was gone from his eyes then, and she would hug her knees to her bare chest and chew the inside of her lips to keep form crying as he spent the rest of the day staying out of her way and being short and impatient with her at any forced interaction.

“Hey, hey...” he breathed, not ready to give up this easily without getting what he wanted first. “Come on, just give me a chance to show you how good I can make you feel.” Sarah closed her eyes and rested her face in the softness of his shoulder. She inhaled, breathing in his scent that was so familiar, so comforting. She felt trapped. Her thoughts raced as she searched for the words to tell him that this was killing her, that for every moment of pleasure there were hours and days of anguish, of pain and heartache and screams and hatred.

“This is it. I can’t. I can’t.” With an instantaneous rush of a new kind of impulsivity, Sarah wrenched herself free from his grasp and rushed to the room they shared, lunging around the room for her belongings.

“You’re really doing this?” he challenged, stalking after her into the bedroom, grasping out to get hold of her body again. “You’re really going to run out on me and fuck this up?” He was getting angry now, breathing in that way she hated, his eyes squinting. Inside Sarah was seething. How dare he accuse her of ruining what they shared? All she did was give, of herself and of her body and of her emotions, always at his beck and call. Her eyed stung with the tears that welled up behind her lids. She turned her face away from his, trying to stay strong.

“You pathetic little bitch,” he spat as she grabbed her suitcase. “No one wants you, and I won’t be surprised when you come back begging like a little bitch for me to take you back. You need me” He walked from the room as he rolled his eyes. Her own dripped with tears, which rolled hot down her cheeks. She wiped them away furiously, lost yet again for words. Her body was hot and weak, but she raised up slowly from her seat on the edge of the bed. She shouldered the door brutally, dragging a suitcase and backpack behind her. Without another word from either of them, Sarah reached for the handle of the front door, feeling the coolness of the metal beneath her hot fist. She turned it gently and sucked in the night air, momentarily calm.

word bleed

2009-11-17T16:18:00.001-05:00

I need to finish my CRW workshop piece that's due tomorrow.

I need to figure out what time the coffee copy place closes so I can get there and get 19 or is it 20 copies printed

I wonder if Kinko's in open 24 hours; it should be

there were only three parking spaces outside the Kinko's on Franklin Street

I never remember why we went

Yesterday was weird. Today was, is weird.

I'm addicted, I'm reckless, I feel defiant and destructive. I want to feel and experience hurt, I want to fuck and get fucked

up.

It smells like Autumn

outside. Within I am fevered.

And still the wind whispers.

Inside I am squirming. I sit still but am not. I cannot find stillness or peace.

Yet.

Jimbo's was lovely tonight

2009-11-12T01:23:00.001-05:00

Great time with Mel, bottomless coffee, and some surprises.

love and light,

S-

Smoking wet cigarettes

head down, small frown, no crown

all’s bare and wet - don’t let

this be all there is here: fear.

While rubber boots slap the ground

umbrella’s up and away, shuttin’ out this town.

Grass is soaked, mind is toked and

eyes like moist marbles, rolling

lungs breath in, mind twists and spins

swims, through the air and water

pours down like tears, fears

of this new place, this new face

What have I become?

more CRW shit; etc

2009-11-11T10:22:00.002-05:00

Life has been coming at me non-stop, and I love it. Live fast, die young.

Really though, I need to develop this piece into something a bit longer for my Creative Writing workshop. Any and all criticism or support or ideas would be preesh'd, yo.

-->She touched the tips of three fingers to the warm, puffy area of broken skin that stretched taut over the bone of her eye socket and cursed quietly. Her slim and tattooed arms reached out to support her thin frame against the sink, and she raised her lids, one heavy and dark with swelling, to meet her own gaze in the mirror. She hated the fine strands of hair that hung in a limp frame about her face; she hated the pinkish, mostly-faded acne marks and the way her collar bones jutted out. Sarah felt a discomfort in the center of her stomach which radiated through her body a sensation she couldn’t name. It felt cold, it felt lonely, and it made her body ache in a dead way. She continued to scrutinize herself, her eyes seeming to find plenty of flaws to focus on. She hated the way her freckles blended together in places and resembled blotchy birthmarks, and she hated the tiny gray sun-specks in the whites of her eyes. Somehow thinking only of these, these permanent and virtually unnoticeable imperfections made it easier to avoid the fresh and bloody deformity that now razed her face. The swelling had increased, it seemed, and the space around her right eye was darkening further. She always hated watching this, the bruising process. Bruises didn’t appear on impact, she knew, but rather ripened and swelled visibly like some rotting fruit. The only interregnum in the vast purpling bruise that surrounded her eye was provided by the bloody tears and cuts in her skin. She was too drained from the emotional exhaustion that comes with crying and screaming to feel anything passionate; she didn’t even hate him, she was too tired to. But beneath the exhaustion and beneath the withdrawal she felt as her adrenaline receded and even deeper than that cold feeling of loss and loneliness in her stomach, Sarah felt the need to leave. She needed to get out for good, and she needed to do it today. Because no matter how many times he apologized, and no matter how many times she wondered if maybe she actually deserved it, she knew this was never going to get better. Dean was never going to get better. Sure, it was easy to think that all couples fight, everyone gets angry, and it was with those thoughts that she had appeased herself thus far. Something was different this time, though, whether it was in the way he kept drawing his fist back again and again even as she cowered away or whether it was something insider her that had finally snapped. As she planned to leave, her thoughts drifted almost comically to a country song she’d heard a few times. No, she wasn’t going to go home and load her shotgun and had no intention of showing him that little girls were made of “gunpowder and lead,” but somehow she loved the thought of doing so. She tossed her make-up in her bag, knowing she would need it. She rifled through her closet, grabbing anything else she might ever want to see again. She smiled bitterly and tossed that black eyepatch from Halloween two years ago in to her backpack. Just in case the make-up wasn’t doing the trick, she mused.

She wandered around his house one last time, making sure all of her belongings that had been left here at Dean’s apartment over the years was stuffed safely in her suitcase. Dragging her suitcase behind her and slinging her backpack over her shoulder, Sarah headed for the door. She paused when she glanced in the kitchen. WIth a burst of Miranda Lambert-like need for justice, she rushed into the kitchen. He had always been so particular about his food, and this was her chance to finally help herself to whatever she pleased. Throwing the door to the fridge open, she grabbed the last cold can of PBR. Fuck Dean, fuck all his stupid rules and his possessiveness of her and of his damned beer. This was it. She snapped the pop top and reached for the handle of the door. Damn did it taste good.

home?

2009-10-06T23:16:00.002-04:00

We just arrived bak at UNC-W after a very interesting stay in Chapel Hill. Seeing my mom (and little sisters) was probably the best part, and soaking in the hippie-wonderful atmosphere was a close second. It's very different from Wilmington, and being back there almost felt like visiting myself in a former life time...I saw a lot of people from my past who I hadn't really expected to see, but it turned out for the best. Mostly. I don't know what else to say...I'm feeling a bit under the weather emotionally. Cleaning room, organizing, coffee, etc.

Another CRW assignment..?

Memory.

I don’t remember what made us run

that icy morning, but my panicked feet fled

with a speed before unknown to them

into the forest, as that scream ricocheted and echoed

in our minds. The four of us were terrified,

each envisioning the same thing: “the worst”

whatever that meant to each of us.

Though at twelve years old, the very worst thought I could muster

would never be horrific enough, and never came close to the truth,

because I didn’t know what death meant.

So we just rushed on into the forest, convinced

partially by naivete and partially by desire

that if we ran quickly enough we could escape the truth.

Spiny twigs and thorns littered among dead leaves

stung the soft flesh of my bare feet

but failed to slow me. Each painful step on the forest floor

was motivation to keep moving, until reality

put the finishing touches on a simply stunning concrete wall

of realization. It loomed before us and stopped me

dead in my tracks.

Running wouldn’t help, and so I stood

helplessly and unable to cry.

Cold morning air found its way to my lungs

and my feet found their way back home.

I wondered if we had guests, and what poor timing it would to be

for entertaining visitors, when I saw the driveway filled with cars

Until I registered the unmistakable blue markings

and lights on large white vehicles, silent and looming.

There were no sirens, there were no flashing lights, no ambulance.

There was no emergency, in the eyes of the law,

and I know now it was because you were already gone

and stiller than the cold.

2009-10-06T02:11:00.002-04:00

I don't know why I remember

the way Iceberg tasted against Swiss cheese after little specks of pepper

had been scattered across the surface

spat from an old wooden grinder that was worn smooth

where your shaking hands held it

The kitchen watched us

creaking in protest to being woken so late.

The knife begged us to go back to bed,

but sliced obligingly into that two-day-old loaf that held us all together

when I muttered I couldn't sleep

just yet

Something about the way I indulged in those simple tastes

and the relish with which I ate my "funny pieces" -

just bits of chopped cheese and deli meats

that you transformed into something delightful

with just your words and your authority of my world then -

made you know how much I loved you,

right?

I should be writing a memory poem, but that's all that'll come

just now.

We'll see what sober morning can come up with tomorrow. Perhaps it'll actually fit the assignment.

2009-10-02T19:55:00.002-04:00

Winter Turns to Spring

My icy fingers slip inside your sleeve

and nestle between your warm ones. The satin

lining of your peacoat licks my wrist.

I press my nose against you cheek

chilled like marble from the freezing night

and feel the warmth of my breath reflected upon my lips

as I whisper something nice

to watch you smile.

Our breath hangs in the thin air like fog.

My spine bends my head forward against the chill

and my mouth finds the opening slit in a plastic cup,

then seeks the plump softness of your lips.

The heavy warmth of coffee, thickened

with sugar and cream

will linger on my tongue.

II.

A drop of rain shatters like glass against my nose.

It cools the heat rising in my cheeks

like hives, and my eyelids dart open

to reveal the sky, hued peach and lavender

into my retinas.

The breath of a sigh parts my lips

before the sharp edge of my tooth

can sink into the lower one again.

The warmth of a breeze brushes by my exposed skin

as though to remind me of your absence.

Begging mouths in a prickly nest are the only reminders

that the raven’s wings had ever rested with another’s

in a simpler time when branches were bare

and the coal black feathers sheened blue in the moonlight.

hmm

2009-10-01T11:03:00.003-04:00

Baby wombats are some of the cutest critters I've seen. I kind of wish I were at the marsupial rescue center somewhere in Australia, nurturing weird furry orphan creatures...I'd really like to be anywhere else right now.

It's not unpleasant here, really. It's just vastly different from being at home and from the routine of high school that I had become so accustomed to. I suppose I'm still adjusting, still figuring out how things work and how to become self sufficient. I've been feeling dissatisfied, a feeling I'm pretty used to. It's a restlessness that seems permanent, and I can't figure out how to keep myself occupied and happy. I have friends whom I love, weekly meetings of the UNC-W Pride group, trips to the Gypsy and other downtown venues, and a genuine interest in most of my classes. Lounging in my lofted bed, nestled in blankets and browsing the internet and watching TV has been my activity of choice (or necessity) lately, though. It's pretty detrimental to my emotional well-being, I fear. All I can do is wish and want and need and mope. Old habits die hard. I can't stop thinking about what used to be, what I used to have, or what I wish I had. I am so lucky, I know that. So many people don't have the opportunities that I do...I am so fortunate. I am very lucky. So why do I feel this perpetual dissatisfaction? I feel so guilty for feeling this way, yet I can't deny it.

I wonder why I've felt this strong yearning for Her lately. It's likely I yearn for the stability, the comfort, and the security that I felt with her. I long for the kind of relationship that we had. That we had. I don't know why it's so difficult for me to comprehend the importance of the tense of that sentence. Past tense. Had. I'll get it eventually I guess.

Anyway.

I need to meet M. for lunch at Wag before going down to Holden for the afternoon. Later I need to write another poem, which I'm looking forward to. Completing my CRW assignments lately has been a pretty great routine. Mmm. :D

More later, perhaps.

Best,

S-

Poetry

2009-09-25T01:37:00.003-04:00

Two assignments for my Intro to Creative Writing class here at UNC-W.

Assignment 1 - We were asked to respond with a poem to this painting: http://anagramseverywhere.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/hopperny-movie.jpg

“Painting Poetry”

His hateful words had chased her from her seat,

and snapping and snarling, they burned her ears.

She cowered now, their prey, with her back pressed against the wall.

A frown bruises her delicate features

as the sharp edge of the wood-paneled wall presses itself against the small of her back.

Deserving, she revels in the pain for an instant,

hyper-aware of the wall edging itself into the delicate space between her vertebrae.

The lamp above her drenches her face in light,

the yellow glow shining gold on her limp hair.

It might have looked angelic.

Gripped in her left hand is a tightly-rolled playbill,

the sweat from her palm softening the papery creases.

She clenches it tighter,

and feels it give way beneath her fist with only a rustle of protest.

She buttons her woolen blue coat to her neck,

and the dampened hem nudges her exposed ankles

like a mangy cat.

Assignment 2 - Here we were asked to create a poem writing about someone who has influenced our view of ourselves / world view / philosophy, drawing upon specific conversations and recalling their words. The style is an homage to this poem: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2003/09/30

“What She Told Me”

I will tell you what she told me

with her gentle hands alit on my heaving shoulders

those two cool reminders that this wasn’t the end

it’s been worse, she whispered

you’ll get through this

we’ll get through this, we always do, her shaking voice said

maybe to convince herself more than anything

that still night the world stopped spinning

and the air tasted thinner and didn’t satisfy our hungry lungs

and nothing moved in a huge house,

but no one noticed the ear-splitting silence

a heaviness so foreign to us loitered in our space

bearing down and making my skin tingle and my insides squirm

like worms in a bucket, wriggling to be free from a place too crowded

but her warm chocolate eyes invited me back

with an insistence that was motherly

in the way that I needed

I wouldn’t be here without you, I croaked

through cracked lips that I couldn’t quit chewing

and I’d never meant it more.

Interesting, certainly. Enjoy?

Love and light,

S-

pimp juice

2009-08-03T23:30:00.003-04:00

I’ve been wanting to write more, but for some reason every time I sit down to do so my mind goes blank, and words refuse to flow onto paper as smoothly as they do in my mind. Now I have my laptop with me at work, and for lack of anything else (interesting) to do, I decided to write. It may be clumsy and not convey my thoughts perfectly, but something is certainly better than nothing.

Work was unbelievably busy tonight, and with just two of us on the clock, it was intensely stressful. As I sank into the familiar rhythm of politely serving customers, however, I felt the adrenaline rush through my limbs as I struggled to perform my duties with the ever-elusive balance of speed, efficiency, and politeness. Considering we were out of spoons for a short time as well as out of 18 of our 32 flavors, it was quite an effort to please customers. We managed to earn 17 dollars each so far in tips alone, though, so I’m pretty satisfied that we did a good job. I complain about this job a lot, but in truth I’m very attached to it. I wish Caroline realized (and appreciated!) how much M. and I do for this place, though. We both have invested so much heart into this shop..it feels like my baby sometimes!

Well, it’s nearly 10:30 and I need to help M. clean up and close. I’ll try to add more later, especially considering there are many, many more things on my mind....it’s just that writing about work is easy. Write what you know, they say...

Best.xx

Home again, home again. As predicted, I feel no inspiration to write more...bummer. Perhaps later.

love and light,

S-

You just look like you're wasting away

2009-07-29T18:25:00.002-04:00

I miss blogging -

I say that every time, I know, but it's true. I hope to keep it up on a more regular basis, since I find it quite therapeutic and wonderfully cathartic.

It's been quite the summer. I've experienced things I know I'l never forget, met some simply amazing people, and learned oh so much. I can already picture myself years from now reminiscing on "that one summer, before freshman year of college...remember it? remember him and those nights, and that place..?"

It's gloomy weather out. Clouds hanging fat and sulking overhead, sky grumbling with thunder, and the wind whipping the tree limbs around and swirling the water in the canal into tiny waves, all producing an effect that I would probably find quite beautiful if I didn't feel so gloomy myself. I told him I wouldn't mope. I told him I'm not moping, yet somehow I know I am. I call it reflective, I call it pensive, I call it a variety of things, really. I just don't feel hungry, I say, I'd rather stay in than go out...but he's probably right. It'll pass, won't it?

I've been invited out, so perhaps I'll end this here. I'm off to indulge myself with ice cream and see what the night holds.

best,

S-

SUPER SCHEDULE

2009-06-05T14:59:00.000-04:00

FST 210: Moviemakers and Scholars
SPN 305: Spanish Conversation and Composition
PSY 105: General Psychology
PED 101: Lecture, Health and Wellness
PED 101: Lab, Tai Chi
UNI 111: Freshamn Seminar
CRW 201: Introduction to Creative Writing

SO STOKED!

like a boss

2009-05-23T18:44:00.003-04:00

I keep finding myself aching to write, but thus far I have not been able to adequately represent my thoughts. I suppose this will be my feeble attempt..we'll see how I feel by its commencement..

Speaking of commencement, graduation is less than a month away, and I have only six days left of school. It's simply unbelievable. I'm somehow surprised I've made it this far. Sometimes I think back on moments from these past four years and can't believe it all happened in this lifetime. Makes me wonder how different things will be four years from now. What will remain the same?

I feel content.

This weekend has been stellar, as have most days throughout the gently rolling month of May. One school day slips into the next, studded with the interregnum of weekends like these, which are filled with laughs, relaxation, and his bright smile. All is well.

best,
Sus

update

2009-05-13T23:06:00.002-04:00

I realized I miss blogging, even though few people read it. Perhaps especially because few people read it...
I find myself bogged down with negativity tonight, nearly on the verge of tears to be honest, so i decided it's time for some positivity. Gotta practice what you preach, so here goes:

Things to be thankful for:
-The friends who've stuck by me, who buy me mango Jarritos and flan, who spend lunch with me even when they don't need something from me, who love to see me smile and revel in my happiness with me
-The one who's made everything a bit easier, who's made every day a bit more filled with smiles, with happiness, with genuine joy, who has truly changed things for me
-Thomas Pynchon's latest novel, due out in August 2009
-Feeling confident about my AP exam performance
-CHHS dance concert
-Having the ability to focus on all that is good in my life
-My amazing, loving, supportive family!!!
-Being tucked in at night and having his bright smile being the last sight before sleep overtook my body
-The new friends I've met / the Q bldg /Monday night throwdowns
-Prom 2009!
-Graduating (we hope. xD)
-The view from my bedroom
-Having had the experiences I have.
-The bounty gained from Mum's trip to IKEA....mmm, Skarpor...!

This helped.
Love and light,
S-

pu$$y m0ney w33d

2009-03-10T00:20:00.002-04:00

Oh, how I miss blogging.
I wish my bumpin' social life left more time for it..! :rolls eyes: It would be better if it left more time for LIT. HOMEWORK, to be honest..

Chalk it up to the perfect weather, this mug of warm tea, or whatever you will, but there's been a smile plastered on this face for quite a while now...I'm really starting to like it.

Life spent piling 8 people into the Lincoln, blasting music, smoking a Parliament Light through a sly grin is pretty ideal. Lounging on the grass outside Weaver Street, flirting with - hell, everyone - and stealing Mel's pretzels...Lying around practicing "DrewZen," enjoying dinner at the coolest Ukrainian household in the world, jogging for the hell of it, dreaming of /her/, stroking /her/ hair, teasing /him/ about his, picnicking with junkfood and 40oz's, holding hands, strolling through nature, falling in love..

It's working. It sure as hell works for this girl.

Love and light,
S-

Dime que es mentira todo, Un sueño tonto y no mas...

2009-02-25T20:06:00.002-05:00

Tell me it's all a lie
A silly dream and nothing more

Hello there.
I'm lying in bed, half-watching some Family Guy re-run and listening to sweet songs in Spanish...
Today was a bit rocky, and I am feeling very sick on top of it all. I can't stop coughing and sniffling, and my sinuses and head ache. Aaaatractive.
Unfortunately, I realize now I don't have anything of any importance to say. Just wanted to complain for a hot minute.

<3
S-

Well, well.

2009-02-23T18:22:00.004-05:00

It's time for a more proper update of sorts.
I wonder -- though it changes little my actions -- if anyone other than myself reads this.
No matter.

I've been introduced to some great new music lately. It's just what I need, because even set to shuffle, my iPod plays nothing but songs drenched in old memories. Long gone memories, hackneyed memories, ones I've pushed to the back of my mind in order to avoid.
It's been getting easier, really. It's not often I let my mind wander back to those days of old, and less and less often do I yearn for them. I feel relieved and free. Most of the time...
Now I have many new songs glazed liberally with sugary new memories. I've taken to a few meaningful, well-done tracks in addition to my usual helping of silly rap phenomenons. Lil Ru's "Nasty Song" and Soulja Boy's "Kiss Me Through the Phone" are quite the guilty pleasure, though.

I learned today how one's leg would get stanky, thus enabling one to perform the stanky legg. Lolz were had indeed.

This weekend was quite wonderful, though admittedly tiring. Friday afternoon I took D. and A. to Morrisville with me for the NC Fashion Week audition. They both did quite well and made me proud. I have my hopes up that we will all do the show together. The audition ran late, but I still rushed home, changed into higher heels and a matching top, and drove downtown. I moseyed into the club and was met with warm air, warm bodies, warm clove cigarettes and a warm, warm hug.
Friday night was severely quality. 'Nuff said? ;]
I remember precisely how I was woken up on Saturday 'morning' (we weren't about to get out of bed before noon, haha). It was a simply wonderful way to wake up.
The better part of the day was spent lying quietly in bed, good company, good music, hot sunshine streaming in. One hand on the keyboard, one hand on his; resting, smiling, dozing, giggling. Relaxing.

It's late yet.
I've forgotten how much I do love William Fitzsimmons. Memories be damned..!
I have a warm mug of tea waiting for me and perhaps a marzipan sweet if I'm lucky.
Only time will tell.

With love and light,
S-

silliness

2009-02-19T23:12:00.001-05:00

I can't wait to see him again.
In the meantime, quotable quotes:

"no like the smoke blends in with your natural very pleasant aroma and it smells like hotboxing a spring valley"

"for about a week he was completely serious about building a catapult to throw squirrels he trapped, but he noticed he had not trapped any.... so he spent sleepless nights on squirrel trapping websites and looking up youtube videos about it while sharpening a knife, it was kind of terrifying really"

"man, someone needs some emergency vodka!"

best,
S-

valentine's day, v. 2.0

2009-02-18T23:56:00.002-05:00

was simply divine.
oh, simple joys.
thank you.
i can't stop thinking about that night. selves shared, eyes locked, beautiful.
i won't ruin it with my clumsy words...

best,
S-

P.S. ~ Fashion Week blog in the works.

2009-02-16T14:30:00.002-05:00

all i want to do is write and cry, cry and write.
too bad that's quite unpractical.
NYC was perfect; coming back to real life not so much.
let me get some work done, I'll write more later.

there is always light.
S-

Will you still meet me on the sunny road?

2009-02-09T14:47:00.003-05:00

I hate the moments when I lost sight of all that is simple and perfect.

I fear that lately I have been too passive with my life. I've chosen to let life happen to me as it may instead of making proactive choices that have cause-and-effect consequences. I suppose this isn't entirely a bad thing, but it had yielded some - well, not earth-shattering, but certainly less-than-desirable outcomes. Now I find myself wondering how to set things straight, seeing as my "wait things out" strategy isn't the most effective.

Now that I really take a chance to think about it, things are pretty wonderful. These 'setbacks' pale in comparison to all the wonderful happenings of late. In the past few weeks I have had experiences that I will never forget...I have discovered how loved and cared for I am. I have laughed until I cried. I successfully completed and /turned in on time/ a very challenging Lit. assignment. I have fallen only to discover there still are people there to catch me. I really am so thankful.

All the best,

S-

...

2009-02-08T17:12:00.002-05:00

I haven't been able to write lately.
Somehow it's easy for me gripe on for pages when things aren't going well, but when I am happy, satisfied, and ceaselessly smiling, words seem to escape me.
Perhaps this is indicative of my mood lately.
Life is good. All is well. I am happier than I have been in a long time.

AND I am going to New York in t-minus 5 days!

I am the tall oak tree
I am the jungle stream
I am the morning sun
smiling on everyone...
<3

[my] long white fingers slither and glide

2009-02-02T16:58:00.005-05:00

I am going to concentrate. I am determined to focus and to succeed: I will accept no less from myself. Of course, my hopes are not high. I let myself down all too frequently.
While I wait in limbo, monitoring each effect closely for some indication that this is working, I've decided writing would be a good way to settle my nerves and loosen me up in preparation for my Lit. work.

I carefully choose a playlist of music, hating that every song of the hundreds I have downloaded has a meaning and intense memories attached to it. I need new music so badly...I'm tired of suffering through the same memories and being assaulted with the same thoughts as familiar tunes drift from my speakers. My mind effortlessly recites every lyric, my lips dumbly move to the words.
I know somehow this entry will not be an accurate reflection of my thoughts and feelings regarding the past week...I have been blissfully content, although this will surely not convey that. It is nothing in the "grand scheme" of things, I know that. Yet of course I have let my ever-changing emotions take control, leaving me feeling helpless and lost.

My palms sweat, my whole body is rigid with anticipation of the great mood alteration I seem to be expecting. I feel nothing but an odd and surreal calm...is this the "zombie state" I was warned about? I am not focusing, I am not getting anything important done. I'm sitting in a chair, blogging about my pitiful emotions and nodding my head in time to Kate Nash diddies.

More soon.

Update, 7:01 - Desired effects still not fully achieved. HOWEVER, one assignment completed. :] Plan to begin assignment two shortly, after breaking for Seinfeld and possibly snacks. Will succeed.
Maybe.
<3

rock me, mama, like the wind and the rain...

2009-01-25T22:10:00.002-05:00

I find myself faced with yet another Monday.

saturday night

2009-01-24T23:41:00.002-05:00

Here I am, on the edge of some proverbial seat
feeling unsettled and restless, yet I can't summon the will to do anything but sit around and feel sorry for myself.

We made a day trip to Wilmington for the Meet and Greet at STW, which was fun and successful. On the way home Mum and I made a pit stop at Plato's Closet, where I bantered with the staff and acquired a nice pair of black jeans and two pairs of shoes. Score.
The pleasant effects of retail therapy didn't last long, though, and now I'm back to being grumpy and lonely.
I feel consumed by all the things I wish and want and feel somehow unable to feel thankful.
Luckily, I know it will pass.
Still
I wish it were summer -
I wish the air were warm and balmy and sweet, the foliage green and lush
I wish the phone would ring -
I wish I didn't feel cooped up, unsettled, uneasy, used and lonely.

love,
S-

thursday evening

2009-01-22T19:59:00.004-05:00

After reluctantly climbing out of the most wonderful and soothing bath, I was overcome with the desire to write...
I had been feeling achy and quite emotionally under the weather all day. I was tired of feeling so on edge, and this time even old Seinfeld episodes and Swedish baked goods couldn't chase away my blues. Resolving to try a last resort, I rummaged around for a few candles and drew a bath. As the water warmed, I lit the candles and dimmed the lights, already beginning to feel more at ease.
It's a beautiful feeling, sliding into the warm water and feeling it caress your skin like a lover's touch. I closed my eyes and let my body just feel...the warmth seeped into my very being, and every time I fluttered my eyes open I was met with the sight of softly burning candles.
Mmm...it was just what I needed.

He's supposed to be coming to town tomorrow. Knowing me, I will dutifully wait for his call and jump at the slightest vibration, imagining it's the phone. :grin: I really must rein myself in.

Well, I suppose I'm off with a yawn and a stretch to peruse the kitchen for a bit of cake.
Here's to a great tomorrow - !

All the best,
S-

wonderful weekend

2009-01-19T22:56:00.005-05:00

This weekend has been simply wonderful and the perfect way to wind down from last week's stress.

The school day on Friday ended with an inward scream of joy, followed by an unfortunate and very FREEZING trip to the barn. As we always do, MR. and I settled into our chilly work quite quickly, and soon all our tasks had been completed. After rushing home to change clothes, I was off again. Auditions for the NC Fashion Week went great; I can't wait to hear back. For once, I really felt as though I knew what I was doing and that I really had a chance! ;]

I began this entry several days ago, and somehow it's already Wednesday..!! Re-capping the whole weekend now seems tough; so much happened!! I slept in every morning, and relished in the comfort only a warm comforter on a cold morning can bring...

I've taken to re-playing my favorite bits of the weekend over and over like a giddy lovesick schoolgirl (guilty?) ;] ...

Saturday night was filled with much-needed quality time with A., which was amazing. We sat in Starbucks, sipping a frozen drink as the ground froze outside and chatted everything from petty gossip to true love. It was wonderful to finally have some quality us time, and I'm so happy to have had her as a friend for as long as I have. Ever since things got sticky for her and MW on Sunday, though, I haven't seen her...
Sunday afternoon was full of anticipation and giddy excitement. After a shady exchange, MP and I dropped by KG's house to chill with her and TS. Later while MR, MP and DA relaxed, KG, TS and I snuck upstairs for a little inhale-able fun. [:grin: I'm not cheesy at all or anything.] After we'd had out fill, we trooped downstairs and left with the gang to meet up at the Cradle. The R. girls seemed to enjoy the ride over as I developed and demonstrated what I then dubbed "thumb artistry," as Soulja Boy blasted from the Lincoln's speakers.
The whole show had a dream-like quality. The dark, sparse room of the Cat's Cradle is becoming increasingly familiar, and I remember walking in and allowing the familiarity wash over me wave by wave. I shyly approached the stage, watching him work. He's beautiful: in his element - dark complexion caressed with red light, long slender fingers moving deftly across the tables. I watched him, eyes wide (pupils wider?), for a few moments until he noticed me and slunk over with his Chesire cat grin for a quick kiss...
The rest of the dance passed quickly, as I accepted a few dance propositions and otherwise bidded my time in the secret lounge. I had never known that was a real window...
:grins inwardly:
Monday afternoon was nothing short of magical, especially for a Monday. It's been running through my head since, on some sort of instant reply - In Sepia, because everything is even more romantic in Sepia. I would doze forever on that chest with Seinfeld reruns playing softly in the background...if only, if only!
Monday night's adventure's were also severly quality. Who knew there's a little tavern in the back of the Super Suds..? Turns out there is, and MP, DA, and I had a grand time there shooting pool, making ridiculous sexual jokes, and being entirely too loud in front of the cranky old "bar keep." We lost at least one cue ball, discussed the difference in "hair's bredth" and hare's breath," and learned that I definitely have a career in professional pool playing.

Somehow it's already nearly midnight, and I must be off. I'll leave you a few noteworthy quotes to ponder.

Seinfeld -
"George: She invited me up. Coffee's not coffee, coffee is sex.
Elaine: Maybe coffee was coffee.
George: Coffee's coffee in the morning, it's not coffee at twelve o clock at night.
Elaine: Well some people drink coffee that late.
George: Yeah, people who work at NORAD, who're on twenty-four hour missile watch."

Daniel -
"You kill the runway, it was so cool to see everyone's expressions..."

him -
"I woke up thinking you were beside me.."

One day, baby.
In love and light,
S-

looking for salvation

2009-01-14T14:33:00.002-05:00

Sitting quietly in Stanfa's room, listening to Pandora. I had forgotten how much I love Pandora.

The past few days have been a bit hectic and stressful, partially due to the academic stressors which accompany the ending of the semester. I knew it would be hard to put it off any longer, so L. and I finally had 'the talk.' No, not the baby talk or the break up talk, before you jump to conclusions. The talk talk. In a way I expected it to make me feel more comfortable and secure with everything, but no such feelings were reached, at least to the extent I expected. I'm still so glad it finally happened, even though not much new was established...

I'm having trouble expressing my feelings articulately.

I can't get him out of my head...

He didn't call when he said I would. I wish I could stop putting so much pressure of this, on myself, on us...lest it become everything NEITHER of us want.

This is not going to make sense to anyone but me. That's okay.

I'm loving this ride..new sights around every corner, enough to keep me on the edge of my seat each fucking moment.

Long live this...

xo and all the best,

S-

hasty update

2009-01-11T21:11:00.002-05:00

"Ima hit you from the back, Ima hit you from the-
Ima hit you from the back and make you holler 'til you pass out."

You approach a four-way intersection regulated by a traffic light. The dark night air presses in around you, and the only light comes from your own dim headlights and the red glow of the traffic signal. You approach hesitantly, and dutifully check each of the other three roads, noting not a single soul. Does your unwavering instinct to abide the law cause you to stop until the light changes, or do you instead rationalize the choice to continue on..? I was surprised by my own

Eh.
I've recently become an avid 3oh!3 listener. The shit's pretty damn catchy, I recommend it. Specifically "Starstrukk" and "Holler 'till You Pass Out."

All day I've stumbled around in a strange daze, muscles I didn't know I HAD aching and my stomach turning in objection to my beverage choices of the night before. I bite back a grin as snippets of last night come flooding back...MP and I sat side by side in the darkness of the parking lot, raising our glasses to the joys that came to mind. Here's to being on the same page...and Lisa! Here's to living to good life! ... Rejuvenated, we grabbed our things and picked our way through the parking lot to the Nightlight. I'd never been there before and appreciated the barren but intimate vibe. The red X drawn hastily on our palms didn't keep us from sneaking sips from a particularly suspicious looking OJ bottle as we lounged on an old couch and I snuck glances at the stage. He was wearing those glasses, the ones I've become so attached to. I tried to tear my eyes away from the concentrated look on his face, the effortless ease of his movements. My mind began to swim and MP pulled me on to the floor...I danced and danced and got lost in the music and the familiarity of her touch. My condition deteriorated all too quickly, however, and before I knew it, I could berely remain standing. It was unbelievable...ugh. I am so thankful tothose three girls who dragged my ass to MP's car and stayed with me as...well, as the potion worked it's magic.

Home again, I made a few regretable phone calls, but at the end of the night, all was more or less fine. I awoke several times in the night, but was very pleased with a video I recieved when I finally rolled out of bed. Cutest. thing. Ever.
Thank you, boo.

Aaah. I'm hungry, fianlly.

Love and light,
S-

bass pumpin'

2009-01-10T00:24:00.002-05:00

heart thumpin'
brain?

Listening to 'Moon Shoes' and trying to keep my mind from racing out of control. My sluggish body is not match for my ever-energetic mind...

There is so much I want to say, and to explain, and to understand.
It's been a very eventful few days, to say the least...
Damnit, I simply cannot articulate anything properly tonight..!
He's met the family..!!
Wow.
More later, I promise.

xo,
Susannah

" I am in blood -

2009-01-05T22:49:00.003-05:00

Stepp'd in so far, that, should I wade no more, Returning were as tedious as go o'er."
-Macbeth, Shakespeare.

Life is good, it is, it is.

"
- oh sus, i'm falling in love with you all over again.
^^aww. <3
"

I have two big hands and a heart pumping blood...

2009-01-03T14:49:00.000-05:00

First things first, happy 2009!
It's been a very pleasant year so far, all two days of it. :D

.sightings.
- S. and M. arriving at MP.'s house Wednesday evening. The two were soon seen leaving the house with MP. and LE., returning later with giggles and suspicious brown paper bags. Later, A. arrived and left with S. and M.
- A giddy-looking S., M., and A. arriving just before midnight at one of the hottest New Year's Eve parties of the night. The expected usuals were all present, in addition to youngsters CR, SP, and MP. The former three left late that night with a few extras in tow. New Years kisses for all? If you're someone, you already know!
- S. and L. hopping venues Thursday evening. First spotted at the Mansion, the two later were spotted sharing a couch and chatting at East End wine bar. Looks like someone got a New Year kiss after all!
- E. and MP. leaving Richardson Lane soon after 2am on Friday morning. Is love in the air for E. and M.?

Love,
S-

so for the rec-

2008-12-30T23:50:00.004-05:00

she's completely and totally correct.
for once? as always? i've forgotten.

ahh, well.
who can believe it's nearly 2009?
MP and I pondered the question as we laid on Da's (now my) bed and thought about where we were in our lives one year ago today. My, my...

Light,
S-

P.S. - I'm hoping for a really amazing New Year's. We'll see.
P.P.S - "you're wiser beyond your years... i don't think this is your first walk on this planet" Wow. That's such an amazing compliment...I hope so!!!
P.P.S - BEST NEWS EVER!!! I'm so...speechless. www.finalreckoning.us

Long live the good life.

winter

2008-12-30T17:11:00.004-05:00

I miss writing, although I'm pretty sure no more than perhaps one or two people even check this site anymore. Regardless, writing still feels relieving and comforting, even if no one ever reads it. Perhaps especially if no one reads it...
We arrived home this morning from our trip to New York City. Overall the trip was simply fantastic. We spent Christmas with the Edwards, with whom I feel so comfortable and at home. All 29 of them welcomed us into their home like we were truly one of the family. I met many new people and was thankful to see some familiar faces of those I knew. Serving dinner for 34 people seemed effortless for the experienced cooks among the family, although it was hard to see Laura forced to the sidelines due to her cancer. We all did our best to keep her positive...something many people forget to do even in times of health. I promised I'd see her again...I know she'll make it through this. There's no way she can't with all of her family supporting her...
In addition to spending time with the Edwards, we of course did TONS of shopping, visited some sites, and had more than enough family time. We successfully escaped both the Christmas and the New Years rape-r, made up and then referenced a new drug (JEWEED!) and 5 out of 5 people agreed that Emily's made up statistics are annoying. The 'inside jokes' that our family trips generate may be my favorite part of traveling...Breakfasts at Hot and Crusty or at Grand Central became a tradition, as did tea and sweets in front of the tiny TV in the kitchen of the apartment. Each morning we awoke (too early) and trekked into central Brooklyn or Manhattan to shop and enjoy the city...
On the 26th we went to the Christmas show with the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall. I'd expected it to be too cheesy/touristy for my taste, but it was surprisingly SPECTACULAR. The Rockettes are simply amazing and their performance was flawless. Afterwards we all walked to Stage Diner and I had pastrami for the first time! Quality experience.

While the trip was wonderful, it's also great to be back home. I am so thankful for MP, without whom I would be so lonely...maybe I'm just as She said I'd be, left alone because of how I treat me, but MP and MR remind me I never will be truly forgotten or alone. I do wish a certain someone would pick up his phone, or a few certain someones would stop treating me as...well. Forget it.
Either way, I wish all of you a lovely winter and to those of you on holiday, rest, relax and enjoy!!

Light,
S-

long time no update

2008-12-19T11:16:00.001-05:00

I really want to keep this alive.
Alas, no grand update right now.
Living life. Surviving. Having fun doing it.

;]

"We ain't goin' to the town
We're going to the city
Gonna trek this shit around
And make this place a heart
To be a part of
Again"

I have a new-found love for Interpol.

my life.

2008-11-10T10:12:00.001-05:00

i was going to title this with the name of the CPD narcotics detective's name but then i forgot it

2008-11-05T23:31:00.002-05:00

my goodness.
today was as bad as my weekend was good.
:glares:
Let's see...

Yeah, I'm guessing most of it isn't even fit to talk about right now.
Legalities and all?
I don't really know but I ain't about to chance dat shit, yo.
Can I just thank Mr. Stanfa, Kacie, Kegan + Yearbookers, Joey, and Neal?
mk. thanx.

I don't know what else to say.

Love,
S-

i never liked the rain 'till i walked through it with you...

2008-11-04T22:48:00.002-05:00

What a day!

...
Woke at 1:56pm. Doubted it was really 1:56pm. Rubbed eyes, sat up, realized it was, and grinned. Four day weekends FTW? Absolutely. I stumbled out of bed to roam the house and lurk my usual websites of choice: Facebook, Meebo, 4chan...Mum was out doing her duty to our great citizens by working the polls, bless her soul. M was out, and E&C were still asleep, so I just relaxed and ate some macaroni and cheese and enjoyed doing nothing. Eventually M returned and we hung out a bit before she had to go to work.
I dropped Mel off at work and drove over to M's to hang out with L.. We sat around and sleepily watched election coverage and chatted. I really, really enjoy spending time with him...later we drove through the rain to Panera and both had soup. xD. It was simply lovely. I grinned thinking that the last time we'd gone out to eat together the weather was precisely the same. I'm beginning to love the rain... ;]
After I came home I made myself some cafe clasico and munched on some of the cake Mum made last night. I'd better learn how to bake, and soon, because I'm bot going to get through college without some homemade cakes and cookies. Maybe she will have to move in with me afterall. :shudders: I love my momma.
Since then, I've been fervently watching the election coverage. It was projected just a few minutes ago that Barack Hussein Obama has been elected the 44th president of the United States of America...I couldn't be happier. I am overjoyed that I was able to vote in this historic election, and I am beyond excited to see what the future holds for President Obama, our country, and hell...me.

All the best,
S-

"Tabitha?"

2008-11-03T20:45:00.003-05:00

I woke with a start to the touch of his fingers stroking my hair. It was oddly beautiful.

My day was quite all right. Woke up early go to Crabtree with Mum and M. I had a really fun time shopping and loling and enduring an ungodly amount of puns. Had a good lunch and some nice quality family time. Returned with some great finds, the faux-suede fuchsia pumps perhaps being the best. Glad.
Relaxed and did nothing and loved it. Dinner. Wished he would call. Got all dressed up, but had no where to go. Drove on fumes to OE, attempted to parallel park. A gentleman asked if I was Tabitha, and I replied that sorry, but I was not. Recieved my usual free cup of coffee from M, tipped well. Allowed myself extra sugar, waited for the phone to ring. Settled at a table outside next to the windows and read for a while by the light from inside...I sipped my coffee and enjoyed a Parliment or two. Very content. Later slipped inside to warm up, but promptly dozed off to sleep in the depths of an easychair...he woke me up. Drove home in a daze.

Oh, four day weekends how I love you so.

Love,
S-

back by 'popular' demand?

2008-11-03T01:19:00.003-05:00

Considering that I am unable to settle down to sleep and that a certain pretty lady suggested I revive this ol' thing, I decided to make a somewhat sensible blog post. Ohh, there is so much to say...I know I never will be able to recount it all, and I just hope I will never forget.

Now it is nearing 1:30am, Ginger is pawing at me incessantly for some reason still unknown to me, and I'm sitting here restlessly trying to articulate my thoughts. Today was...quite a day. I woke up early after not getting to sleep until after 3...per Mum's request I spent far too much time cleaning the house and organizing the kitchen pantry and the like. Finally, M and I were released from or household duties and went out to the barn. The weather had taken a wonderful turn for the better, and we were met with warm sunshine and a perfect Carolina blue sky. We rode for hours exploring the extensive trails behind the barn and out towards Duke Forest. It was lovely!!
Later I stopped by Caribou and met up with L and an assorted group of others. It was quiet and relaxing and I sat sipping my coffee and watching the group interact, which was rather fascinating as always. Later I drove L down to his place to save him the trouble of biking. I am kind, kind soul. I rushed off to meet L. at Open Eye. Head in the clouds, I hung a sharp right turn without paying any regards to a certain octagonal red sign. My eyes darted to the left a moment too late, and next thing I knew I seem dem flashing liiiights...
"I recognize you from Thursday night, ma'am."
Fuuuuck.
Several agonizing minutes later I was issued a citation and I have to go to court on the 10th of December. Awesome.

Angry and bitter, I sped off to meet up with L. We sat and chatted with a few acquaintances as I snuck glances at his smile and his eyes and felt oddly comforted.

All for now, I am finally feeling the exhaustion kick in. I am so happy with life right now, and it really is a great feeling. I feel wonderful...

- Happy birthday, Sarah and Celia <3 -
Light,
S-

ma'am,

2008-10-31T23:33:00.000-04:00

i'm going to need you to take a deep breath and blow into this until say stop, all right?

ohhh my. what a night.
:

speechless?

2008-09-29T14:52:00.000-04:00

i'll try to write about everything soon.

i am so thankful; i am so fortunate

you've gotta spend some time, love

2008-09-25T14:50:00.004-04:00

strange.
i am no longer able to properly discern the difference between reality and fantasy. everything is simply a blurred line between the both.
i stood on the lawn, taking long, calming drags from a bummed cigarette.
reality seemed unimportant/
isn't it?
the wind whipped around me and i felt the chilly onset of autumn
oh, ilove her so.
i shuffled my feet and watched the cigarette burn, feigning sanity

Everybody leaves, so why, why wouldn't you?

nobody knows me at all

2008-09-23T14:14:00.003-04:00

I don't know who to write to anymore, so I'll write to myself. For myself. I do everything for myself, don't I? Yes...
I look for myself. I love for myself. I want and desire and cry for myself.
Maybe they were all right...it's increasingly likely.

I had a very odd afternoon/evening/night. I met up with him. We drove and talked and spent entirely too much time together. I spent the remaining hours wondering what the hell had happened.

More later.

Opinions

2008-09-17T22:35:00.000-04:00

S- yeah except now I don't have to worry about you flirting your ass off with every single guy who approaches you
S- which probably still happens
S- because, truth is
S- and scolnick was completely right on this one
S- you are a slut, susannah

Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, Please

2008-09-13T22:00:00.003-04:00

I sat down intending to actually do my Lit. homework, but after realizing I left my copy of Portrait in the Lincoln and that it would be impossible to even attempt the work without the book, I turned up Lil Wayne and decided to blog instead.

Today was strangely fantastic. Tensions are running high here around the house, but I'm surviving. I woke up early-ish, and drove with Mel into town. We got some over priced coffee at Open Eye and chilled around town. I saw J, which was...crazy. Only one or two people know our whole fucking history, but sitting and talking to him and catching up over a plate of free rice was simply unreal. I scrawled my digits on a receipt and left, my head spinning. Mel and I dropped by S's house for a quick hug and an exchanging of smiles. Afterwards I rushed home and we promptly left for the Fashion Bug show in Durham. L. called me on the way and I chatted with him for a bit. We were supposed to chill today but it ended up falling through. :| The show went even better than expected. Fantastic, actually. Hopefully there will be some pictures online soon.
After the show I came home and was able to relax for a few hours. J called and I met up with him and A at our ancient hangout spot. I wish I could manipulate the beautiful words of the English language in a way that would do justice to the situation, but I know I can't. Something close to deja vu, yet entirely different. It was almost like visiting my former self...it made me realize how much I have changed and...improved. I am so much more secure and confident and it's simply amazing. We sipped Yuenglings and talked and lol-ed at M and T and P and a bunch of other wannabe P.O. kids. Un fucking real.

Love and light,
S-

2008-09-07T19:29:00.004-04:00

I lifted my head from the clammy desk and my stomach reeled in protest of the slight movement. I clenched my teeth and tried to focus, but the pain was so severe that my very thoughts were muddled. I watched through filmy eyes as a disembodied hand tried to work out the problems on the sheet in front of me. The hand struggled, not knowing what to do all alone. "Math is the brain's expertise!" The brain smiled and chuckled. Suddenly the scene in front of me went black.
My body doubled over and a hand clamped over my lips. My body staggered over to the toilet and I hurled the contents of my stomach into the cold bowl. My senses went dark and the room was filled with nothing but sounds...they layered themselves in and around me, trying to invade me.
A voice asked if I could step outside and my limp body followed the reply. My body collapsed against the railing and the sun shone. The sun shone.

for dear life, we hold on

2008-09-06T01:52:00.000-04:00

I can't fucking believe today.
:|

drugculture

2008-09-04T23:05:00.001-04:00

i find great comfort in you

2008-09-03T16:46:00.002-04:00

someone stole my cigarettes.
I was forced to drink my coffee without its harmful and addicting and deliciously calming counterpart this morning, and I was not happy.

It was an all right day. I was frustrated and unnecessarily snappy with a few people. :| Oops.

It's a very quiet afternoon. Out my window, the sun-coated leaves hardly quiver and everything around me seems unnaturally still.

the wind on the boat's deck is a cold hand on the neck
or slipping into our cold bed

love and light,
S-

Private

2008-09-02T23:21:00.002-04:00

The following is very personal and was written for cathartic purposes.

There is one thing that reminds me I am not as selfish as they claim. One fatal flaw that keeps me here: my desire to please. I can't bring myself to do what I want to do so badly because of my love for those around me. As much as I want to believe everyone would be better off without me, I know they wouldn't see it that way. I find myself wishing with all my heart that I had never met those who I have come to love and those who love me. Without them, it would be so easy. So simple...I want to do it so badly. Each day my desire becomes stronger, and I feel myself losing my weak grip on the sanity I have left. I have simply no idea why those who do put up with me still do so.

Love and light,
S-

Unsettled

2008-09-01T23:16:00.002-04:00

I could use a smoke, a strong cup of coffee, and a shoulder to lean on.

I got to see S today, who smelled like kitchens and smoke and familiarity. It was lovely.

I made lots of money working this weekend that had nothing to do with my boobs.

I'm hungry.

?
S-

Interesting Title That Has an Overly Obscure Reference to My Life

2008-08-31T17:13:00.002-04:00

Hey there.
I'm at work right now, but the steady stream of customers has slowed and something compelled me to write.
Today is my last day working at the Scoop for the season. As much as I've complained about it, I really will miss this job, all its quirks, and the friends it has enabled me to make. But for now here I sit, taking in my surroundings and eating a chunk of peanut butter fudge.

I am very pleased with how my senior year is going so far (if you can consider one week any progress at all). I feel like a different person, and I just pray that I will be accepted for who I am. I am looking forward to so much, but with the excitement comes an unavoidable apprehension.

Vamos a ver...it's all we can do.

All the best,
S-

Everyone's Screaming, I am Dreaming of You...

2008-08-28T16:48:00.004-04:00

Lion's Teeth is a fantastic song.

I quite enjoy school so far. I have several classes that I really love, and I think it's going to be a good year. I spend the first 55 of my school day sketching and painting and listening to whatever music Mr. Watson deems interesting, which is always entertaining. I have a few other classes that require little to no academic ability, which is great. I still always look forward to my blessed lunch periods. :smiles:

I wrote an autobiography for Lit which I am considering posting here. It'll be up if I ever get the nerve.

for dear life
we hold on,
S-

Woke Up New

2008-08-25T19:10:00.006-04:00

It's so hard to write lately, which I find extremely frustrating.
The following is my attempt; excuse mistakes.

Today was the first day of my senior year. Someone quite special to me took me up on my offer, so I spent a lovely hour or so with M and S at Cup a Joe. Warm caramel latte, a smoke, and some much-needed relaxation. Aplus for sure.

After fixing my schedule (for the fourth time), I headed to my second period P.E. class. Coach Kieckbusch seems very nice, and I found myself resisting the urge to call him Paul. Paul...we spent most of the period talking about rules and consequences and other non-noteworthy topics. D has gym the same period, so I spent a while catching up with him. :]

Next I had Drawing and Painting. Mr. Watson has grown a beard, was wearing nice pants, and seems easy to get along with. E and a few others I know are in that class with me, and I found the period's activity and short lecture very intriguing.

Third period Lit was extremely intimidating, but when I noticed Mr. Head has a coffee pot, a stash of tea and something that could possibly be an espresso machine in his room, I figured we'll learn to get along. The reading quiz tomorrow? Let's pretend it's not going to happen.

It was a wonderful surprise to find both M and K in my Spanish class. I am so happy to have Moeller again. Who would have thought I'd miss her?! The class moved along very smoothly and I was pleased to see how quickly speaking the language came back to me.

Lunch was lovely. Filled with hugs and smiles and friendly faces and pizza that dear sweet M brought, the period ended far too soon.

Fifth period Discrete Math might be the best accidental decision I ever made. E is in it with me, and we sat together and caught up. :] Mr. Miller is distractingly tall with a rather monotone voice, but he seems rather harmless, other than his over-devotion to sports...

Sixth period Yearbook also went smoothly. The usual borderline creepy comments from Stanfa made me cringe/grin, and giggling with cutie-pie R made me happy.

I ended the school day with seventh period Religions, a class I am very much looking forward to. Loranger is her usual fantastic self, and I have many friends in that class. :]

EDIT : I never finished this yesterday, so I suppose I'll just add my closing remarks now. Overall, I'm looking forward to this year, but it certainly comes with a certain amount of apprehension as well. I suppose we'll just have to see. Today S lent me a sweatshirt, and I found myself almost unconsciously burying my head in it and breathing in the scent. It helped me realize that there's something I'm very much hoping for and maybe lucky number 27 will being it to me.

Best of luck and good wishes,
S-

How do you spell festivities?

2008-08-15T16:14:00.004-04:00

If I told you everything about my last 24 hours, you wouldn't believe me. And I wouldn't want you to.

I feel rather awful right now, but MY, what an experience. I want so badly to write about it all, spill every detail with relish and delight and pain. But I won't. I want to curl up and fall into a deep, restful sleep, but I can't. I must be at work very soon.

I have realized there are angels among us. They walk the Goddess's great Earth with us, sometimes unseen and unacknowledged. Others have names and stories and some just happen to be unfailingly perfect and your best friend in the whole wide world. Some might be tall, soft spoken men from Ohio, with kind eyes and a Chevy pickup. Still others are baristas, dark hair lining their eyes, who can take one look at you and know it's not okay.

So how do you spell festivities?
A Styrofoam cooler, a borrowed green and pink bikini, looking into stunning eyes, late nights, impulsiveness, circle of death? Stolen toothpaste and sleepy mornings. Tears and phone calls and marshy ditches.

- "I don't want you to watch me brush my teeth!"
--"Is it bad that I don't care?"
- "Hmph"
--"You want to pout about it?"
-"Yes."

"NPH wouldn't do that."

...

Be well,
S-

Happy

2008-07-20T11:44:00.001-04:00

I feel very content and very at peace.

Man of the Hour:

Education

2008-07-10T00:35:00.007-04:00

We're still in Holden Beach, and I'd like to say not much has changed.
And really, an outsider would probably notice no change whatsoever. Late nights, even later mornings...working, sleeping, reading, and spending much time on the phone...

But I've learned...

I've learned not to judge a book by its cover - or even the blurb on the inside flap. Invisible Man is a lovely novel.
I've learned what burning flesh smells like.
I've learned what looks you get as you stand in line at the local Food Lion, clutching an economy-sized bottle of Draino and a box of pregnancy tests, hot tears rolling down your cheeks.
I've learned that in Shallotte, a real party happens in the woods behind Home Depot, and includes trucks, tents, a bon fire and several coolers...
I've learned that yes, you DO throw up. A lot.

M: "It's fine, she'll wake up soon."
Gas Station Attendant: "Don't be so sure. She might not if ya don't get some water in 'er."
-4:30am, 24hr. Kangaroo in Shallotte.

Be well,
S-

Fake

2008-07-05T17:12:00.002-04:00

Oh, there is so much to say and think and dream and do.

Unfortunately, I haven't been doing much of anything except working, sleeping, and working.

My trip back to CH was very pleasant, though... Perhaps it confused things more, but it was very nice at times and I take what I can get these days.

I'm not feeling articulate, I apologize.

Soon,
S-

ess ay ee arr. <3

2008-06-25T13:15:00.002-04:00

Have you even suddenly been filled with doubt?
Opened your eyes and given you head a prompt little shake to clear you mind, only to stop midway and think, "What the hell is going on in my life?"

I am so unbelievably angry right now. I don't know what to do or say or think or feel.
I hate being this upset.
I hate it so much. I feel so hurt and alone and really it's because I'm never satisfied and I push people away so they can't get close enough to hurt me. I'm tired of everything. And fuck it, I am so tried of crying.
It's ruining my complexion.

Me? Do you want to know me? Well, I'm Susannah. I'm a "backstabbing, motherfucking, ass-raping, happiness-sucking, plain, old bitch." You'd get "more out of talking to a comatose patient" than talking to me. All I spew is "bullshit." Why do I even bother talking?

-S

Tip of the Andes

2008-06-25T01:40:00.002-04:00

This calls for a pot of coffee, be it 1:47am or not.

I don't care to explain

May you feel much better than I do.
S-

Strangely Enough,

2008-06-23T09:41:00.003-04:00

I had an extremely difficult time sleeping last night.
I was certain falling asleep would be no trouble, for I was very tired. I bedded down and finished my novel (Peter by Kate Walker. Highly recommended.), but sleep never came. I lied awake, tossing and turning. Finally, after realizing that simply lying there was useless, I got out of bed, wandered the house, prepared a warm cup of almond milk and settled in front of the TV to watch hour upon hour of Platinum Weddings on WeTV. The show tells of random wealthy couple who lay down more than my entire house is worth on one wedding day. $65,000 tab for drinks alone? Yeah. $14,00 wedding dress? Nothing less! $250,000 engagement ring? You bet. It was slightly sickening, but entertaining I must admit.

I finally drifted off in front of the TV around 4:30am. Now it is far too early and my head is pounding from much too little sleep. I do find happiness is the fact that Alex will be here shortly to come to the beach with us, which I am very excited about. Also, last night was filled with wonderful conversations and good coffee.

Be well,
S-

Intense

2008-06-22T20:31:00.004-04:00

Today we drove up from Holden so Emily and I could attend fashion show rehearsal in Raleigh.
It felt nice to be back in my element, so to speak. Bass pumping, beat thumping...sorrounded by frail, lofty girls with razor sharp hipbones jutting from beneath their paper-thin cotton ensembles. To hear the familiar click of so many sky high stilettos and feel my hips sway with familiarity to the beat of the music...
This was our first rehearsal for this particular show, but the whole thing is shaping up very nicely and I am very, very excited. The show is scheduled for August 1st through 3rd at Cary Towne Center mall in Cary. I hope some of you will be interested in attending; I would love any and all support. <3

Now, sitting alone watching the cloudy gray sky, I feel much less at home, even though that is precisely where I am. Sean is away in distant lands, Jolie has not returned my calls, Neal is occupied with his Nicaragua-trip-reunion pals and seemed annoyed by my call, and even a call to Meg yielded only the voice mail. I suppose I will continue to lounge around the house, reading and scheduling college visits and otherwise idly occupying my time.

I hope you all are well.
With all due respect,
S-

Bikini tops and pajama bottoms

2008-06-21T17:25:00.002-04:00

Summer has really begun to settle in now..

Meg had to leave by bus Thursday, and I miss her very much. Her visit was a wonderful way to kick off summer here in Holden Beach.

My days since her departure have been occupied with sleeping late, occasional trips to Shallotte to stock up at the library, watching films, and working evenings at The Scoop. Melissa and I have gotten to know our coworkers a bit, and they all are nice enough. I stay entertained sampling our wares and making fun of Drew's heavy Eastern North Carolina drawl.

As I write this, Lily lies curled up on my tummy, convinced she is not in my way. I haven't the heart to tell her otherwise.

I wish all of you the best wherever your summer takes you.
S-

Not to complain, ocean eyes

2008-06-19T20:07:00.003-04:00

Summer has been nice so far
More than nice, really.
Wonderful?

I haven't time for much of an update; dial-up is pointless and when a once-in-a-lifetime fast access opportunity arises, I rarely have time to blog anyhow.

Good thing she looks pretty
Eyes welling with tears, cheeks flushed and lips plump with emotion and hurt

Good thing she's heard the words over and over
Slut
or else it might be upsetting

Good thing she likes to sleep
Sometimes shutting the world out with the soft coma of sleep is the only way

EMOLICIOUS.
<3
Sunny beach days and cheery phone calls'll get me through.

2008-06-15T01:45:00.002-04:00

the taste of strong, cheap coffee is still on my tongue
and my head aches dully from the night's events

a night never to be forgotten

cloudy moonlight
teasing summer breeze
rocky pavement beneath us
a moment captured forever
will my memory serve?

I never want to forget tonight.

Footprints

2008-06-04T16:44:00.002-04:00

Home from a long day, blogging seems like the perfect way to unwind. Enjoy [?]

There really is a lot to say, a lot to be said, a lot I wish I could say, a lot my meager vocabulary couldn't do justice. My real journal has somehow disappeared, and I find I miss documenting the little intricacies of my life in great detail...however, doing so online is likely not a good idea. Perhaps it's time to invest in a pretty new journal. Vamos a ver.

I'm not sure how I feel about my previous stream of consciousness/poetry entry. I found it there after...a long day. Interesting, to say the least. It's actually pretty insightful if you know me well.

i find myself happy these days
Smiling comes so easily
now
I wake without dread.
i remember like yesterday
the cold mornings, my mind in the cloudy state between sleep and wakefulness,
waiting to open my eyes and remember why the first thing I felt each morning was a nagging pain in the pit of my stomach
reminding me
;

Exams began today. H. English III and Spanish III.
Extended lunch. Tall iced coffees, quiet chatter, and amazing company.
and hearts semi colon.

Reverse

2008-05-31T14:25:00.006-04:00

Mango-mouthed and hazy-headed
Soft and haunting music floats from the speakers and my languid body lies
heavy ;
the soft blankets feeling steady and sober underneath it
Oh, Thunder Road
Were it you - strong but somehow// delicate; holding me
Lids droop, mind wanders, searching -
finds?
Slip a poorly folded sheet of paper from my back pocket
Pencil scrawls remind me
The noises blended together and my mind felt warm,
blanketed -
not suffocated, yet
I ignore the mistakes, casually scratched out
tucked in close
Warm by the fire, child
I will keep you safe
I admired his effortless ease and soft
allure
His muted confidence
Stunning
Set to repeat, the music does as it's told

"Travel is good for the troubled soul"

2008-05-24T23:45:00.001-04:00

It's late Sunday night, and I'm in the mood to blog. For whatever mysterious reason, SC couldn't come over tonight, so here I lay, curled up in bed with the laptop, listlessly Facebooking and blogging, and creating sentences, with too many, comma splices. :]

Friday evening we left for Holden Beach. Overall the trip was very nice and relaxing. I spent Saturday napping and eating ice cream and watching very good movies. I had the pleasure of watching Love in the Time of Cholera, the film adaptation of Gabriel Garcia Marquez's book El amor en los tiempos de colera. I throughly enjoyed the movie; the filmography and acting were both brilliantly done. However, I feel it would have been an even stronger movie had the producers chosen to make the film in Spanish. Spanish was the native tongue for all the principle actors, and the novel was originally written in Spanish.
Saturday ended with a few lovely conversations with SC and a very restful night's sleep.

Today I woke up to a breakfast of waffles with strawberries and cream. Afterwards I watched Lucky # Slevin, which I enjoyed immensely. I'm not sure I can properly commend this movie, because my grasp of the English language simply isn't developed enough to accurately portray the greatness of this film. Enough said.

Afterwards, I went down to the beach for some sun and girl time with Melissa. Quality.
The drive home was less than pleasant. Emily and Colleen were behaving very poorly...kicking and screaming and carrying on. I still have a headache.

May tomorrow be pleasant.
Take care,
S-

Thankful

2008-05-21T22:57:00.003-04:00

Not in the mood for a proper update, I decided instead to make a quick list of just a a few of the things I'm thankful for. Porque' no?

Starbucks, its commercial-yet-delicious coffee creations and its kind employees
Lincoln-ing <3
Anonymous poster
The Spanish language
Seeing my family happy
essemsea.
Final Cut Pro
Sunshine.

All the best,
S-

Smile Juice

2008-05-19T23:22:00.004-04:00

Here I sit, peacefully sipping peach mango tea, listening to The Mountain Goats and thinking about life. I wonder if it's possible to be too...contemplative. I reflect upon life's happenings so much, I wonder if it's healthy. :smiles:

The past few days have been rather lovely. I had been feeling so much lately as though I was stuck in some sort of transitional stage, caught seemingly forever between the old and the new, the past never quite leaving and the future never fully arriving. However, as the days pass peacefully by, I find myself smiling more, laughing more, and truly living more. I must sound like a complete sap, but it makes me smile knowing I finally feel as though things are moving forward.

School is winding down, which of course comes complete with extensive end-of-year projects and final exams looming in the distance. However, even if it's just for this moment, I feel as if everything is going to be okay...

and she came here after midnight.
the hot weather made her feel right at home.
come on in, we haven't slept for weeks.
drink some of this. it'll put color in your cheeks.

May your mugs and hearts be equally as full,
S-

Unfortunately,

2008-05-19T00:07:00.001-04:00

I feel more like vomiting than properly updating.

Ta ta,
S-

Under the Impression

2008-05-16T18:24:00.004-04:00

It's a quiet, slightly lonely Friday evening and I thought I'd take a while to reflect upon the day for your reading pleasure.

Overall, it's been a generally productive and relaxing day. Lunch consisted of sunshine, Diet Coke, shirtlessness, cute haircuts and wonderful company. :)

Later I attended the mock crash presentation with Alix and Bea. It went very well, and I was touched that so many emergency service personnel took the time and effort to participate. I'm sure few of you know I've actually considered EMS work as a career. Hmm. After school, the three of us drove into town for manicures. It was a perfect, if not cutely stereotypical, time to gossip and catch up and enjoy one another's company. A chance encounter with a face from the past and a honey mustard crispy chicken wrap only served to make the afternoon even more lovely.

I'm very much looking forward to tomorrow! Plans are still a little up in the air, but I have many options that all involve a black satin mini dress, obnoxiously golden fingernails, best friends and quality time with El Alcalde. <3

Best wishes and goodnight,
S-

Obscurities

2008-05-15T23:51:00.002-04:00

out: exes
in: oohs

words of the day: dissonance (n.) - a mingling of discordant sounds; especially : a clashing or unresolved musical interval or chord
pandemonium (n.) - a wild uproar

I enjoyed today.
<3

All the best,
S-

Wednesday Wonders

2008-05-14T14:36:00.000-04:00

Hello faithful readers!

First, a quick note. Anyone discussed in my blog from here forward will be given a nickname. Each will bear some significance to his or her personality, habits, or true name. Good luck keeping up, since they are liable to change each entry. They are not so much for anonymity but rather entertainment.

Today has been quite nice, despite last night. After a throughly saddening conversation with Pear, I cried myself peacefully to sleep. Luckily I woke up feeling all right, if not a bit sleepy. Mum had prepared a chocolate croissant and a thermos of coffee for me, so I figured the day must be destined to go all right.

And so it did. It was rather lovely, actually. ;]

I'm still unsure as to Saturday night's plans!! As long as I get to wear my dress and take cutesy pictures and be with those I care about, I think everything will be great, though. We shall see! More details sure to come regarding plans.

I have something of a breakfast date tomorrow morning, thanks to the delayed opening. I'm pretty excited. Anything involving breakfast burritos and Jake is sure to be enjoyable.

Zak suggested that I make this a music blog, something I am very interested in doing. Keep your eyes open for my amateurish reviews of obscure bands, which will hopefully come sometime in the not-so-distant future.

All the best,
S-

Beginnings

2008-05-13T16:21:00.000-04:00

I suppose this entry marks the beginning.

The beginning of a new and hopefully successful blog, surely, but it's the beginning of a lot more in my life, as well. The trouble with beginnings is that they are so often associated with endings.
Can beginnings really exist without the ending of something previous? Even birth itself marks the end of many things; a woman giving birth to a child must bid farewell forever to her former life.

Alas, as predicted, I ramble on with matters of little importance [or pertinence, rather]. All I really meant to do was introduce you, the lovely reader, to my blog. Its contents are sure to vary widely, but will somehow relate to the goings-on in my life.

We'll see how this goes!

All the best,
S-