[my] long white fingers slither and glide

I am going to concentrate. I am determined to focus and to succeed: I will accept no less from myself. Of course, my hopes are not high. I let myself down all too frequently.
While I wait in limbo, monitoring each effect closely for some indication that this is working, I've decided writing would be a good way to settle my nerves and loosen me up in preparation for my Lit. work.

I carefully choose a playlist of music, hating that every song of the hundreds I have downloaded has a meaning and intense memories attached to it. I need new music so badly...I'm tired of suffering through the same memories and being assaulted with the same thoughts as familiar tunes drift from my speakers. My mind effortlessly recites every lyric, my lips dumbly move to the words.
I know somehow this entry will not be an accurate reflection of my thoughts and feelings regarding the past week...I have been blissfully content, although this will surely not convey that. It is nothing in the "grand scheme" of things, I know that. Yet of course I have let my ever-changing emotions take control, leaving me feeling helpless and lost.

My palms sweat, my whole body is rigid with anticipation of the great mood alteration I seem to be expecting. I feel nothing but an odd and surreal calm...is this the "zombie state" I was warned about? I am not focusing, I am not getting anything important done. I'm sitting in a chair, blogging about my pitiful emotions and nodding my head in time to Kate Nash diddies.

More soon.

Update, 7:01 - Desired effects still not fully achieved. HOWEVER, one assignment completed. :] Plan to begin assignment two shortly, after breaking for Seinfeld and possibly snacks. Will succeed.
Maybe.
<3