rock me, mama, like the wind and the rain...

I find myself faced with yet another Monday.

saturday night

Here I am, on the edge of some proverbial seat
feeling unsettled and restless, yet I can't summon the will to do anything but sit around and feel sorry for myself.

We made a day trip to Wilmington for the Meet and Greet at STW, which was fun and successful. On the way home Mum and I made a pit stop at Plato's Closet, where I bantered with the staff and acquired a nice pair of black jeans and two pairs of shoes. Score.
The pleasant effects of retail therapy didn't last long, though, and now I'm back to being grumpy and lonely.
I feel consumed by all the things I wish and want and feel somehow unable to feel thankful.
Luckily, I know it will pass.
Still
I wish it were summer -
I wish the air were warm and balmy and sweet, the foliage green and lush
I wish the phone would ring -
I wish I didn't feel cooped up, unsettled, uneasy, used and lonely.


love,
S-

thursday evening

After reluctantly climbing out of the most wonderful and soothing bath, I was overcome with the desire to write...
I had been feeling achy and quite emotionally under the weather all day. I was tired of feeling so on edge, and this time even old Seinfeld episodes and Swedish baked goods couldn't chase away my blues. Resolving to try a last resort, I rummaged around for a few candles and drew a bath. As the water warmed, I lit the candles and dimmed the lights, already beginning to feel more at ease.
It's a beautiful feeling, sliding into the warm water and feeling it caress your skin like a lover's touch. I closed my eyes and let my body just feel...the warmth seeped into my very being, and every time I fluttered my eyes open I was met with the sight of softly burning candles.
Mmm...it was just what I needed.

He's supposed to be coming to town tomorrow. Knowing me, I will dutifully wait for his call and jump at the slightest vibration, imagining it's the phone. :grin: I really must rein myself in.

Well, I suppose I'm off with a yawn and a stretch to peruse the kitchen for a bit of cake.
Here's to a great tomorrow - !

All the best,
S-

wonderful weekend

This weekend has been simply wonderful and the perfect way to wind down from last week's stress.

The school day on Friday ended with an inward scream of joy, followed by an unfortunate and very FREEZING trip to the barn. As we always do, MR. and I settled into our chilly work quite quickly, and soon all our tasks had been completed. After rushing home to change clothes, I was off again. Auditions for the NC Fashion Week went great; I can't wait to hear back. For once, I really felt as though I knew what I was doing and that I really had a chance! ;]

I began this entry several days ago, and somehow it's already Wednesday..!! Re-capping the whole weekend now seems tough; so much happened!! I slept in every morning, and relished in the comfort only a warm comforter on a cold morning can bring...

I've taken to re-playing my favorite bits of the weekend over and over like a giddy lovesick schoolgirl (guilty?) ;] ...

Saturday night was filled with much-needed quality time with A., which was amazing. We sat in Starbucks, sipping a frozen drink as the ground froze outside and chatted everything from petty gossip to true love. It was wonderful to finally have some quality us time, and I'm so happy to have had her as a friend for as long as I have. Ever since things got sticky for her and MW on Sunday, though, I haven't seen her...
Sunday afternoon was full of anticipation and giddy excitement. After a shady exchange, MP and I dropped by KG's house to chill with her and TS. Later while MR, MP and DA relaxed, KG, TS and I snuck upstairs for a little inhale-able fun. [:grin: I'm not cheesy at all or anything.] After we'd had out fill, we trooped downstairs and left with the gang to meet up at the Cradle. The R. girls seemed to enjoy the ride over as I developed and demonstrated what I then dubbed "thumb artistry," as Soulja Boy blasted from the Lincoln's speakers.
The whole show had a dream-like quality. The dark, sparse room of the Cat's Cradle is becoming increasingly familiar, and I remember walking in and allowing the familiarity wash over me wave by wave. I shyly approached the stage, watching him work. He's beautiful: in his element - dark complexion caressed with red light, long slender fingers moving deftly across the tables. I watched him, eyes wide (pupils wider?), for a few moments until he noticed me and slunk over with his Chesire cat grin for a quick kiss...
The rest of the dance passed quickly, as I accepted a few dance propositions and otherwise bidded my time in the secret lounge. I had never known that was a real window...
:grins inwardly:
Monday afternoon was nothing short of magical, especially for a Monday. It's been running through my head since, on some sort of instant reply - In Sepia, because everything is even more romantic in Sepia. I would doze forever on that chest with Seinfeld reruns playing softly in the background...if only, if only!
Monday night's adventure's were also severly quality. Who knew there's a little tavern in the back of the Super Suds..? Turns out there is, and MP, DA, and I had a grand time there shooting pool, making ridiculous sexual jokes, and being entirely too loud in front of the cranky old "bar keep." We lost at least one cue ball, discussed the difference in "hair's bredth" and hare's breath," and learned that I definitely have a career in professional pool playing.

Somehow it's already nearly midnight, and I must be off. I'll leave you a few noteworthy quotes to ponder.


Seinfeld -
"George: She invited me up. Coffee's not coffee, coffee is sex.
Elaine: Maybe coffee was coffee.
George: Coffee's coffee in the morning, it's not coffee at twelve o clock at night.
Elaine: Well some people drink coffee that late.
George: Yeah, people who work at NORAD, who're on twenty-four hour missile watch."

Daniel -
"You kill the runway, it was so cool to see everyone's expressions..."

him -
"I woke up thinking you were beside me.."

One day, baby.
In love and light,
S-

looking for salvation

Sitting quietly in Stanfa's room, listening to Pandora. I had forgotten how much I love Pandora.

The past few days have been a bit hectic and stressful, partially due to the academic stressors which accompany the ending of the semester. I knew it would be hard to put it off any longer, so L. and I finally had 'the talk.' No, not the baby talk or the break up talk, before you jump to conclusions. The talk talk. In a way I expected it to make me feel more comfortable and secure with everything, but no such feelings were reached, at least to the extent I expected. I'm still so glad it finally happened, even though not much new was established...

I'm having trouble expressing my feelings articulately. 

I can't get him out of my head...

He didn't call when he said I would. I wish I could stop putting so much pressure of this, on myself, on us...lest it become everything NEITHER of us want. 

This is not going to make sense to anyone but me. That's okay.

I'm loving this ride..new sights around every corner, enough to keep me on the edge of my seat each fucking moment.

Long live this...

xo and all the best,

S-

hasty update

"Ima hit you from the back, Ima hit you from the-
Ima hit you from the back and make you holler 'til you pass out."

You approach a four-way intersection regulated by a traffic light. The dark night air presses in around you, and the only light comes from your own dim headlights and the red glow of the traffic signal. You approach hesitantly, and dutifully check each of the other three roads, noting not a single soul. Does your unwavering instinct to abide the law cause you to stop until the light changes, or do you instead rationalize the choice to continue on..? I was surprised by my own

Eh.
I've recently become an avid 3oh!3 listener. The shit's pretty damn catchy, I recommend it. Specifically "Starstrukk" and "Holler 'till You Pass Out."

All day I've stumbled around in a strange daze, muscles I didn't know I HAD aching and my stomach turning in objection to my beverage choices of the night before. I bite back a grin as snippets of last night come flooding back...MP and I sat side by side in the darkness of the parking lot, raising our glasses to the joys that came to mind. Here's to being on the same page...and Lisa! Here's to living to good life! ... Rejuvenated, we grabbed our things and picked our way through the parking lot to the Nightlight. I'd never been there before and appreciated the barren but intimate vibe. The red X drawn hastily on our palms didn't keep us from sneaking sips from a particularly suspicious looking OJ bottle as we lounged on an old couch and I snuck glances at the stage. He was wearing those glasses, the ones I've become so attached to. I tried to tear my eyes away from the concentrated look on his face, the effortless ease of his movements. My mind began to swim and MP pulled me on to the floor...I danced and danced and got lost in the music and the familiarity of her touch. My condition deteriorated all too quickly, however, and before I knew it, I could berely remain standing. It was unbelievable...ugh. I am so thankful tothose three girls who dragged my ass to MP's car and stayed with me as...well, as the potion worked it's magic.

Home again, I made a few regretable phone calls, but at the end of the night, all was more or less fine. I awoke several times in the night, but was very pleased with a video I recieved when I finally rolled out of bed. Cutest. thing. Ever.
Thank you, boo.


Aaah. I'm hungry, fianlly.

Love and light,
S-

bass pumpin'

heart thumpin'
brain?

Listening to 'Moon Shoes' and trying to keep my mind from racing out of control. My sluggish body is not match for my ever-energetic mind...

There is so much I want to say, and to explain, and to understand.
It's been a very eventful few days, to say the least...
Damnit, I simply cannot articulate anything properly tonight..!
He's met the family..!!
Wow.
More later, I promise.


xo,
Susannah

" I am in blood -

Stepp'd in so far, that, should I wade no more, Returning were as tedious as go o'er."
-Macbeth, Shakespeare.

Life is good, it is, it is.



"
- oh sus, i'm falling in love with you all over again.
^^aww. <3
"

I have two big hands and a heart pumping blood...

First things first, happy 2009!
It's been a very pleasant year so far, all two days of it. :D

.sightings.
- S. and M. arriving at MP.'s house Wednesday evening. The two were soon seen leaving the house with MP. and LE., returning later with giggles and suspicious brown paper bags. Later, A. arrived and left with S. and M.
- A giddy-looking S., M., and A. arriving just before midnight at one of the hottest New Year's Eve parties of the night. The expected usuals were all present, in addition to youngsters CR, SP, and MP. The former three left late that night with a few extras in tow. New Years kisses for all? If you're someone, you already know!
- S. and L. hopping venues Thursday evening. First spotted at the Mansion, the two later were spotted sharing a couch and chatting at East End wine bar. Looks like someone got a New Year kiss after all!
- E. and MP. leaving Richardson Lane soon after 2am on Friday morning. Is love in the air for E. and M.?

Love,
S-