Dime que es mentira todo, Un sueño tonto y no mas...

Tell me it's all a lie
A silly dream and nothing more


Hello there.
I'm lying in bed, half-watching some Family Guy re-run and listening to sweet songs in Spanish...
Today was a bit rocky, and I am feeling very sick on top of it all. I can't stop coughing and sniffling, and my sinuses and head ache. Aaaatractive.
Unfortunately, I realize now I don't have anything of any importance to say. Just wanted to complain for a hot minute.

<3
S-

Well, well.

It's time for a more proper update of sorts.
I wonder -- though it changes little my actions -- if anyone other than myself reads this.
No matter.

I've been introduced to some great new music lately. It's just what I need, because even set to shuffle, my iPod plays nothing but songs drenched in old memories. Long gone memories, hackneyed memories, ones I've pushed to the back of my mind in order to avoid.
It's been getting easier, really. It's not often I let my mind wander back to those days of old, and less and less often do I yearn for them. I feel relieved and free. Most of the time...
Now I have many new songs glazed liberally with sugary new memories. I've taken to a few meaningful, well-done tracks in addition to my usual helping of silly rap phenomenons. Lil Ru's "Nasty Song" and Soulja Boy's "Kiss Me Through the Phone" are quite the guilty pleasure, though.

I learned today how one's leg would get stanky, thus enabling one to perform the stanky legg. Lolz were had indeed.

This weekend was quite wonderful, though admittedly tiring. Friday afternoon I took D. and A. to Morrisville with me for the NC Fashion Week audition. They both did quite well and made me proud. I have my hopes up that we will all do the show together. The audition ran late, but I still rushed home, changed into higher heels and a matching top, and drove downtown. I moseyed into the club and was met with warm air, warm bodies, warm clove cigarettes and a warm, warm hug.
Friday night was severely quality. 'Nuff said? ;]
I remember precisely how I was woken up on Saturday 'morning' (we weren't about to get out of bed before noon, haha). It was a simply wonderful way to wake up.
The better part of the day was spent lying quietly in bed, good company, good music, hot sunshine streaming in. One hand on the keyboard, one hand on his; resting, smiling, dozing, giggling. Relaxing.

It's late yet.
I've forgotten how much I do love William Fitzsimmons. Memories be damned..!
I have a warm mug of tea waiting for me and perhaps a marzipan sweet if I'm lucky.
Only time will tell.

With love and light,
S-

silliness

I can't wait to see him again.
In the meantime, quotable quotes:

"no like the smoke blends in with your natural very pleasant aroma and it smells like hotboxing a spring valley"

"for about a week he was completely serious about building a catapult to throw squirrels he trapped, but he noticed he had not trapped any.... so he spent sleepless nights on squirrel trapping websites and looking up youtube videos about it while sharpening a knife, it was kind of terrifying really"

"man, someone needs some emergency vodka!"


best,
S-

valentine's day, v. 2.0

was simply divine.
oh, simple joys.
thank you.
i can't stop thinking about that night. selves shared, eyes locked, beautiful.
i won't ruin it with my clumsy words...

best,
S-

P.S. ~ Fashion Week blog in the works.

all i want to do is write and cry, cry and write.
too bad that's quite unpractical.
NYC was perfect; coming back to real life not so much.
let me get some work done, I'll write more later.

there is always light.
S-

Will you still meet me on the sunny road?

I hate the moments when I lost sight of all that is simple and perfect.

I fear that lately I have been too passive with my life. I've chosen to let life happen to me as it may instead of making proactive choices that have cause-and-effect consequences. I suppose this isn't entirely a bad  thing, but it had yielded some - well, not earth-shattering, but certainly less-than-desirable outcomes. Now I find myself wondering how to set things straight, seeing as my "wait things out" strategy isn't the most effective. 

Now that I really take a chance to think about it, things are pretty wonderful. These 'setbacks' pale in comparison to all the wonderful happenings of late. In the past few weeks I have had experiences that I will never forget...I have discovered how loved and cared for I am. I have laughed until I cried. I successfully completed and /turned in on time/ a very challenging Lit. assignment. I have fallen only to discover there still are people there to catch me. I really am so thankful. 

All the best,

S- 

...

I haven't been able to write lately.
Somehow it's easy for me gripe on for pages when things aren't going well, but when I am happy, satisfied, and ceaselessly smiling, words seem to escape me.
Perhaps this is indicative of my mood lately.
Life is good. All is well. I am happier than I have been in a long time.

AND I am going to New York in t-minus 5 days!

I am the tall oak tree
I am the jungle stream
I am the morning sun
smiling on everyone...
<3

[my] long white fingers slither and glide

I am going to concentrate. I am determined to focus and to succeed: I will accept no less from myself. Of course, my hopes are not high. I let myself down all too frequently.
While I wait in limbo, monitoring each effect closely for some indication that this is working, I've decided writing would be a good way to settle my nerves and loosen me up in preparation for my Lit. work.

I carefully choose a playlist of music, hating that every song of the hundreds I have downloaded has a meaning and intense memories attached to it. I need new music so badly...I'm tired of suffering through the same memories and being assaulted with the same thoughts as familiar tunes drift from my speakers. My mind effortlessly recites every lyric, my lips dumbly move to the words.
I know somehow this entry will not be an accurate reflection of my thoughts and feelings regarding the past week...I have been blissfully content, although this will surely not convey that. It is nothing in the "grand scheme" of things, I know that. Yet of course I have let my ever-changing emotions take control, leaving me feeling helpless and lost.

My palms sweat, my whole body is rigid with anticipation of the great mood alteration I seem to be expecting. I feel nothing but an odd and surreal calm...is this the "zombie state" I was warned about? I am not focusing, I am not getting anything important done. I'm sitting in a chair, blogging about my pitiful emotions and nodding my head in time to Kate Nash diddies.

More soon.

Update, 7:01 - Desired effects still not fully achieved. HOWEVER, one assignment completed. :] Plan to begin assignment two shortly, after breaking for Seinfeld and possibly snacks. Will succeed.
Maybe.
<3